I’ve come to the realization that Verizon must not want to help its customers. They certainly don’t want to talk to them. I always vow to be calm and patient, but when “yes” and “no” are beyond the system’s voice comprehension, I lose it. Finally a representative in India, who put me on hold “to consult with her supervisor” at least eight times, secured a work order for the technician I can usually find in 10-15 minutes down the beach. Then Verizon called – automated – to tell me “problem solved?” Of course, it wasn’t. I couldn’t get on line and a sound like crinkling cellophane prevented meaningful telephone communication. It took another 40 minutes to get the work order reinstated. This morning, another automated call – at 7 a.m. – “problem solved.” At least this time I got a chance to comment. It’s 7 a.m. I just got out of bed. How would I know whether it’s working? You can’t say this to an automated messenger though, so, working the odds, I said no. I was right. End result: a problem with the outside line. Thank you, Jimmy.

Kenny B's Birthday Bash

I’m far from alone in the renovation nightmare. My neighbor, Joe Beck, whose house has been completely and magnificently rebuilt, opened to shares last weekend sans kitchen countertops and kitchen running water. The Kahlers are putting in the deck posts as I write. The Hellers have just moved to their second temporary home at Eagle’s Roost with an ETA for the new house in August. The contractors are frantically working against Saltaire’s Memorial Day weekend deadline – working 23-hour days – and, no doubt, hearing constantly escalating wails of desperation from the customers. Bathroom renovations are big this year. Neighbor Gene McG. and friend John adorned a small space with huge pictures of cats on the sloping walls and ceiling. They fashioned an outdoor bar built around a long piece of driftwood. Nick V. created a pastel oasis of serenity at Kenny and Laurie’s Cozy.

A brief note from the fall and winter: The winners of the Kismet Klassic Tennis Tournament were Grace and Jane (from Fair Harbor) and young Alex Mandel teamed with Joe Barbosa. The Third Annual Seabay Block Party featured the Craven band playing from the Baker residence and dancing on Cartoon Alley corner. No rain, no power outages. Kismet Southwest again celebrated New Year’s Eve at Bruce and Elaine Weinstein’s on Marco Island with Arthur and Nancy from Naples, Patt and Phil Villachi from Atlanta with little Gianna, Phyllis and Charlie from New York City, Peter and Michelle from the other coast. I was in Kismet so I missed Arthur’s annual Sedar this year.

Some big media changes for the season. John Blesso is writing for the Tide, while Jeanne and I will split the Fire Island News Kismet column. Jeannie is also posting an opening column and additional pictures on FireIslandSun.com.

Last weekend started on a dreadful note with pouring, freezing rain. I was on the mainland; getting home was not even a teeny bit fun. Don G., in rain-slicker overalls, presided over a chaotic scene at the ferry dock as carloads of people parked in all the wrong places to unload tons of supplies for the first real seasonal weekend. Somehow, it all got done and Saturday’s boat arrived pretty close to on time on a sunny morning. The passenger boats brought people wise enough to wait it out – like Karen S. with a wagonload of flowers for herself and Barbara L. I met up with Alice S. and we compared our tax seasons with H and R Block. Pam Russo and Tony Manzo introduced their 4-and-a-half month old adopted daughter, Anna, to Kismet. Pam says Jack’s “getting used to her.”

We’ve lost two Anns – Ann Littlejohn sold her house to “a pair of architects with 15-year old twins” according to the neighbors. Ann Regan has succumbed to the siren song of warmer climes, settling in the Villages area of west central Florida. Susan, formerly of Mermaid, bought and is renovating her Camelot unit. Lauren Dennis bought Innisfree last fall, joining the ranks of homeowners.

Ron Nyburg passed away in the late fall and is succeeded by his son Mark and daughter-in-law Alice. A second son, Steven, with his wife Beth, will also be spending some time in Kismet this summer. There will be no memorial or formal obit. Ron would have hated it. He instructed me, at great length, to only speak of his late wife, Ann, when he gave generous donations to our Kismet League for Animal Welfare (KLAW) Kismet Kats.

It was great to see Jack and Marge Baker, who, because of the nasty weather, spent their firstovernight here last week. At the other extreme, Gregg and Jane Weisser kept their house open all winter, spending a lot of time out here and loving it. To Gregg, summer has arrived, as he travels in shorts and bare feet. Word is, Gregg was also the only one able to scale the beach access at West Lighthouse, which has been undercut by the high water, which that also dragged down the dune fencing. Apparently, our beach was wide and beautiful until a few weeks ago when wind-driven currents wreaked havoc. Still, it looks like the dune plantings are thriving.

Housing Shifts

As always, there’s been lots of shifting in house makeup. Donna moved from Cartoon Alley to Sunset House. With Mike at his house in Pennsylvania and Chris in Texas this weekend, Donna hosted her sister and brother-in-law and nephew eight-year-old Gavin. Sons George and Richie came back to California, along with Peter, Beth, Nicole and Andrea.

Let us hear for the old homeowners! The groupers are going to have to go some to give a better party than Kenny B’s 50th last Saturday. The steel drum band, put together by a friend, was one of the best we’ve heard in a long time. They played virtually non-stop for four hours as hoards of people danced and crowded in and around the party tent. There was a brief adjournment to the jam-packed Inn for the Preakness. Someone in the Moody family won something and Terry C. won on second place Macho, her boss’s horse. Helping out back at the party were Kenny’s two brothers and sister Marge, wife Laurie and her sister Dana and friends Jeff and Marguerite. Guests included Nick V., Greg and Carolyn, the Bills (Poindexter and Jenks), Lawn House Kathy, Marla and Frank (staying at Jaffe’s in Fair Harbor), CA’s Myrna, Phil, Beth, Peter, Nicole, Richie, George, Andrea and even Burt and Mojo; Sunset’s Donna, Terry C., Dave Lambie, Bicycle Bill, Gregg W., Dennis W., Sharon and friend Dr. Ken, Buddy and Linda, Jimmy and Joanie, Mugsy and Jen, Jeanne L., Joe Beck and Uncle Phil and more. Even a cameo appearance from Bill Perry, the 70s/80s phenom who hasn’t been seen for four years.

KLAW Update: All but one of the cats of Kismet survived and even thrived through the winter thanks to Christine Helwig, Barbara Heller and Andy Ackerman (apologies, Andy, I know it’s misspelled, but you left for Atlantique before I could talk to you). KLAW is planning our annual Flea Market for June 7 (pending KFD approval). We’ll be selling T-shirts again beginning July 4. We’re also thinking of a third fund-raiser. We are most definitely looking for volunteers and hope to host a meeting Saturday, May 31– check the flyers on the lampposts and at the KCA meeting this Sunday. We love the kitties, but also believe strongly that keeping the feline population in check and diverted from bird hunting contributes to our beautiful community. And, it’s fun too; especially the Flea Market and T-shirt sales.

Other upcoming events: The KFD Comedy Night is on June 28, the $25 ticket includes one free beer or wine – call Joan M. at 5311 for reservations.